Redwall. Mossflower. Martin the Warrior. Stuart Little. The Mouse and the Motorcycle. Poppy. Ragweed.
If these titles are familiar, congratulations! You were a childhood nerd and a softie. We also would have been the best of friends, as these books filled my prepubescent days.
These novels also share a darker, more nefarious purpose. They all take disgusting rodents and elevate them to hero status. The mice protagonists lure unsuspecting children into rooting for them, tricking generations into believing that mice are just misunderstood. All a mouse needs is some pluck and understanding, and then they can achieve anything. Besides, how adorable are those velvety ears and pert little noses, right?
Wrong. This vile propaganda is spewing lies about the adorability of pests.
Because mice? Aren't cute. Aren't intelligent. And aren't worthy of any adoration. They are DISGUSTING.
A couple of days before I left town for winter break, I was innocently sitting on the couch when something flashed in my peripheral vision. An ominous brown streak. I looked down just in time to see the tip of a tail zoom underneath the couch. After a small shriek and the slightest of Tom Cruise-esque couch jumping, I calmed down enough to acknowledge the truth. I had mice. Checking the kitchen only confirmed my worst fears, as small, brown ovals peppered the floors and utensil drawers like confetti left over from some Hantavirus-themed party.
The kitchen was thoroughly cleaned and the mousy invader was cornered and caught. I promptly named him Humphrey, because some sensitivity from a childhood full of anthropomorphizing mice remained. He was humanely disposed of, the problem was solved, and I headed off for a D.C. Christmas with nary a care. Cut to a week and a half later, when I returned home to pure carnage.
Poop. Poop everywhere.
Counters were sprinkled, forks and knives were garnished, and the cabinet floorboards were carpeted with lamentable leavings. There was no safe place. It was utter violation, with danger and disease around every corner. My own home was no longer secure, and unfortunately the childhood heroes were to blame. Unwelcome masses had taken over. It was time to take a leaf out of Mr. Alice Cooper's playbook.
The gloves were off (well, technically they came on, as I disinfected that kitchen to near toxic levels). My rose-colored, animal-loving glasses were lifted. The nine-year-old in me would have loved to set up boundaries, some type of compact ensuring that as long as the mice stuck to their corner, they were free to cohabitate. But mice are idiots. They are too stupid to control their bowels, which means they are completely incapable of signing the legal documents I drew up. Warfare was the only answer. Empathy was dead. Drastic measures were taken. The threat was eliminated, and life has returned to normal here on the homefront.
But consider this a PSA. Mice. Despite the lies of youth, they are not innocent. They are not cuddly. And when they come, they're coming for you. Make sure you get them first.
Monday, January 20, 2014
Saturday, January 4, 2014
Return and Report
Part the First: Reflection
Well, 2013 has been a crap-bucket of a year.
Or so I thought when I initially sat down to write this, my yearly recap.*
Then I realized how much the extreme, soul-crushing suckitude of the past four months has colored my views. Just because the latter third of the year drained me of all optimism and hope doesn't mean that good ol' 2013 has been a total wash. In fact, it was a magical year in many ways.
In 2012, I fell in love with Seattle. In 2013, Seattle became my home—a sad fact I didn't fully understand until I left it behind for the rocky coldness of the East Coast. Somewhere along the road, despite the gray skies and the truly horrific traffic, Seattle snuck into my heart and settled down. It packed up Thai food, Alki beach, the lighthouse at Discovery Park, the house in Queen Anne, the apartment by Silver Platters, the car full of educators starting and stopping down the 90 blasting music along the way. It smuggled in memories of barbecues on the patio, where my fingers picked charred lamb off the cutting board, where I drank ginger beer and feasted on the best damn guacamole I've ever had. Thoughts of Menchie's runs and reading on sunny days by Green Lake. The sunsets—sweet mercy, the sunsets!—viewed from rocky beaches or Pike Place or the top of Cougar Mountain as I finished work and headed out to carpool.
One of the best parts of having a place you love is sharing it with others, and Taylor and I got to share Seattle with many people this year (Paige, Ryan, James, Jihad, Sarah, Leo, my parents, Lauren). We had the tour down pat—dinner at Orrapin on Queen Anne or Bengal Tiger down the street from our apartment. Desserts from Menchie's, Trophy Cupcakes, Top Pot, or one of the many, many incredible bakeries. One day had to be spent at Pike Place, going to Golden Age Collectables and wandering through secondhand bookstores. Stopping for soda at the Pear Delicatessen. If the lines weren't too long, maybe grabbing some Piroshky Piroshky pastries, Beecher's mac 'n cheese, or the meatball sub at the Pasta Bar (a personal favorite). Sometimes I would take people to wander around Capitol Hill, stepping into Eliott Bay Book Company or any of the shops on Broadway. Often, I'd talk someone into visiting my happy place at the EMP and then checking out Seattle Center. At some point, Taylor would take visitors on a driving loop on Queen Anne, where we'd point out sites from Seattle history and our own personal backstories.
Basically, the first two-thirds of this year were spent soaking up Seattle. Taylor worked hard to finish school, graduating with his Masters. I worked hard to save up money for the move to Boston, and despite some bratty kids I mostly enjoyed teaching history and journalism and mythology, going on some great field trips (NCI!) and interacting with six-year-olds for the first time at summer camp.
That was before we packed up everything and headed out to Boston. The road trip back was amazing. In Montana I finally learned the truth of the phrase "purple mountain majesty." I felt a sacred peace in the Black Hills of South Dakota. I drove through the Badlands in a lightening storm and was completely alive. Taylor and I braved the staid cornfields of Iowa to visit Scholte, and in Chicago we met with rain and blues and Gary and Giordano's. We cozied up in an Eerie bed and breakfast, feeling nervous about the move for the first time and trying desperately to lose ourselves in the beauty of a small town.
And then came Boston. And grad school. While we've enjoyed exploring this city, exploring revolutionary history and cemeteries packed with my literary heroes, and while I have loved going to classes and constantly writing and the people I've met through articles and stories, I can't quite talk about Boston without bitterness in my voice. Because I miss the happiness I left behind.
But that's OK. Because now, on to 2014. The year of endurance.
This is the year I put my head down and work. Where I take Boston and feast on all it offers me. And then next year, once I have sucked out all the education and experiences possible, I can leave this withered husk behind me and move on to real life.
*Previous recaps: 2012, 2011, 2010
Part the Second: Reporting
Last year, I set a few goals. Here's how they went.
1. Get published.
Well, not so much. Not officially. BUT! This year I started the television review site Lightbox Heroes with dear friends Mary and Rosemary. It has been the single most beneficial thing I could have done for my writing, and it is several steps closer to what I want to be doing. I feel pretty good about this one.
2. Get into grad school.
Done. Masters of Journalism at Boston University, scheduled to be finished January 2015.
3. Stop eating food in the faculty room.
Ha. That's cute.
4. Keep track of the media I consumed. Consume more media.
Done and done, and reported below. While I don't know for certain that I consumed more media than last year, it certainly felt like I did. And I was much more conscious of actively working to watch more movies and read more books.
One huge milestone I overcame was being comfortable with mass media consumption. For many people, these types of activities are methods for release or ways to laze about, and so I would always be self-conscious about how frequently I would partake in these activities. But considering that this is what I want to do—write about pop culture—this is precisely what I should be doing with my time. So this year was a time for throwing off the shackles of what other people thought and growing my portfolio of expertise. Making up for lost time, if you will.
5. Write reviews for every book I read.
Another negative. But I recorded all the books I read, and I am working on slowly making up for lost time. Writing for Lightbox Heroes showed me how easy it can be to write reviews, I just have to do them immediately and not let them pile up. So with that in mind, I should be much more reliable this year.
Now without further ado, the media stats.
MOVIES
Well, 2013 has been a crap-bucket of a year.
Or so I thought when I initially sat down to write this, my yearly recap.*
Then I realized how much the extreme, soul-crushing suckitude of the past four months has colored my views. Just because the latter third of the year drained me of all optimism and hope doesn't mean that good ol' 2013 has been a total wash. In fact, it was a magical year in many ways.
Because this |
Gorgeous view above the clouds |
One of the best parts of having a place you love is sharing it with others, and Taylor and I got to share Seattle with many people this year (Paige, Ryan, James, Jihad, Sarah, Leo, my parents, Lauren). We had the tour down pat—dinner at Orrapin on Queen Anne or Bengal Tiger down the street from our apartment. Desserts from Menchie's, Trophy Cupcakes, Top Pot, or one of the many, many incredible bakeries. One day had to be spent at Pike Place, going to Golden Age Collectables and wandering through secondhand bookstores. Stopping for soda at the Pear Delicatessen. If the lines weren't too long, maybe grabbing some Piroshky Piroshky pastries, Beecher's mac 'n cheese, or the meatball sub at the Pasta Bar (a personal favorite). Sometimes I would take people to wander around Capitol Hill, stepping into Eliott Bay Book Company or any of the shops on Broadway. Often, I'd talk someone into visiting my happy place at the EMP and then checking out Seattle Center. At some point, Taylor would take visitors on a driving loop on Queen Anne, where we'd point out sites from Seattle history and our own personal backstories.
Basically, the first two-thirds of this year were spent soaking up Seattle. Taylor worked hard to finish school, graduating with his Masters. I worked hard to save up money for the move to Boston, and despite some bratty kids I mostly enjoyed teaching history and journalism and mythology, going on some great field trips (NCI!) and interacting with six-year-olds for the first time at summer camp.
The North Cascades |
And then came Boston. And grad school. While we've enjoyed exploring this city, exploring revolutionary history and cemeteries packed with my literary heroes, and while I have loved going to classes and constantly writing and the people I've met through articles and stories, I can't quite talk about Boston without bitterness in my voice. Because I miss the happiness I left behind.
But that's OK. Because now, on to 2014. The year of endurance.
This is the year I put my head down and work. Where I take Boston and feast on all it offers me. And then next year, once I have sucked out all the education and experiences possible, I can leave this withered husk behind me and move on to real life.
*Previous recaps: 2012, 2011, 2010
Part the Second: Reporting
Last year, I set a few goals. Here's how they went.
1. Get published.
Well, not so much. Not officially. BUT! This year I started the television review site Lightbox Heroes with dear friends Mary and Rosemary. It has been the single most beneficial thing I could have done for my writing, and it is several steps closer to what I want to be doing. I feel pretty good about this one.
2. Get into grad school.
Done. Masters of Journalism at Boston University, scheduled to be finished January 2015.
3. Stop eating food in the faculty room.
Ha. That's cute.
4. Keep track of the media I consumed. Consume more media.
Done and done, and reported below. While I don't know for certain that I consumed more media than last year, it certainly felt like I did. And I was much more conscious of actively working to watch more movies and read more books.
One huge milestone I overcame was being comfortable with mass media consumption. For many people, these types of activities are methods for release or ways to laze about, and so I would always be self-conscious about how frequently I would partake in these activities. But considering that this is what I want to do—write about pop culture—this is precisely what I should be doing with my time. So this year was a time for throwing off the shackles of what other people thought and growing my portfolio of expertise. Making up for lost time, if you will.
5. Write reviews for every book I read.
Another negative. But I recorded all the books I read, and I am working on slowly making up for lost time. Writing for Lightbox Heroes showed me how easy it can be to write reviews, I just have to do them immediately and not let them pile up. So with that in mind, I should be much more reliable this year.
Now without further ado, the media stats.
MOVIES
-Jurassic Park -Justice League: Doom
-Spiderman -The Untouchables
-Django Unchained -The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey
-Inglourious Basterds -Escape From Alcatraz
-Two Mules for Sister Sara -Pale Rider
-National Geographic Explorer: 25 Years -The Fountain
-Good Will Hunting -Naked Gun 2 1/2
-Objectified -T2
-Serenity -Safety Not Guaranteed
-Raising Arizona -Last of the Mohicans
-The Departed -The Godfather 2
-Side by Side -Batman Beyond: The Return of the Joker
-Capote -Into the Wild
-Note by Note: The Making of Steinway L1037 -Zero Dark Thirty
-Reality Bites -Once
-NFFTY Opening Night -Slacker
-Legends of the Fall -V for Vendetta
-Ironman 3 -The Great Gatsby
-Watchmen -Bachelorette
-Willow -Reservoir Dogs
-Akira -Psycho
-The Town -Snatch
-Mystery Men -The Iceman Tapes
-Clerks -Training Day
-Ronin -Ninja Scroll
-Pitch Perfect -13 Assassins
-James and the Giant Peach -Let it Be
-The Bling Ring -Chinatown
-Paranorman -Tucker and Dale vs. Evil
-Chasing Amy -Oldboy
-Pacific Rim -Butter
-Goldfinger -Johnny Carson: King of Late Night
-The Way Way Back -Cloud Atlas
-The Breakfast Club -Shaolin Soccer
-Rifftrax: Titanic -Wristcutters
-Hang 'Em High -SLC Punk
-Paranoid: Black Sabbath -Rifftrax: Starship Troopers
-The World's End -The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly
-Hero -The Elephant Man
-Dr. Strangelove -East of Eden
-Who Framed Roger Rabbit -The Other F Word
-Before Sunrise -Before Sunset
-In a World -Tombstone
-My Kid Could Paint That -Escape From Tomorrow
-Hocus Pocus -Boondock Saints
-Dances With Wolves -Muscle Shoals
-Shattered Glass -Baraka
-Hitchcock -Se7en
-Inside Llewyn Davis -Absence of Malice
-No Country for Old Men -Night of the Living Dead
-Rifftrax: Santa Claus Conquers the Martians -Star Trek: First Contact
-The Master -Justice League: Flashpoint Paradox
-A Brady Bunch Movie -White House Down
-The Patriot -Fargo
-Brave -Brick
TOTAL: 110
Favorite Discoveries: The Fountain. The Departed. Snatch. Paranorman. The World's End. The Elephant Man. Dr. Strangelove.
Most Uncomfortable Movies: Oldboy. The Master. Bachelorette. Escape from Tomorrow.
Movies That Made Me Angry: Watchmen. Pacific Rim.
Movies Whose Popularity Flummoxed Me: Ronin. The Boondock Saints.
Movies That Were An Unexpected Delight: 13 Assassins. White House Down. Justice League: Flashpoint Paradox.
Clint Eastwood Movies: Escape From Alcatraz. Pale Rider. Two Mules for Sister Sara. The Good, the Bad and the Ugly. Hang 'Em High.
BOOKS
-Moon Over Manifest -Y the Last Man: Girl on Girl
-Y the Last Man: Paper Dolls -Y the Last Man: Kimono Dragons
-Y the Last Man: Motherland -Y the Last Man: Whys and Wherefores
-Perks of Being a Wallflower -That Summer
-Confessions of a Serial Kisser -The Running Diaries
-Sammy Keyes and the Dead Giveaway -Chew: Flambe
-Astonishing X-men: Dangerous -Serenity: The Shepherd's Tale
-I,Q: Independence Hall -One Crazy Summer
-Watchmen -Anna Karenina
-The Road -A Gathering of Days
-The Paris Wife -A Girl of the Limberlost
-Think Tank, Vol. 1 -Good Omens
-Mr. Penumbra's 24-Hour Bookstore -Habibi
-Me, the Missing, and the Dead -Court of Owls
-East of Eden -1602
-Cloud Atlas -Island in the Sea of Time
-Covering America -American Vampire, Vol. 5
-Gods Like Us -Z: a novel of Zelda Fitzgerald
-Attachments -Eleanor and Park
-Black Hole -Wanted
-Relish -Court of Owls (2nd time)
-The Game of Thrones -The Black Mirror
-A Clash of Kings -Ex Machina: the First Hundred Days
-Ex Machina: Tag -Ex Machina: Fact v. Fiction
-Ex Machina: March to War -Ex Machina: Smoke Smoke
-Ex Machina: Power Down -All-Star Superman
-Joker: Death in the Family -A Storm of Swords
-Hawkeye 1 -Fangirl
-Such a Pretty Fat -The Elements of Journalism
TOTAL: 58
New Favorite Books: Perks of Being a Wallflower. Anna Karenina. East of Eden.
What I'd Recommend: The Paris Wife. Mr. Penumbra's 24-Hour Bookstore. Attachments. Good Omens. The Y the Last Man series. Relish.
Favorite Discovery: Rainbow Rowell, the author of Attachments, Eleanor and Park, and Fangirl.
Biggest Surprise: How addicting the Song of Ice and Fire (Game of Thrones) books are.
TELEVISION
Completed series watched in entirety:
-Bunheads -Firefly
-Stephen Fry in America -Terriers
-Breaking Bad -30 Rock
-Welcome to the Family**
Ongoing series watched faithfully:
-Mad Men -Parks and Recreation
-Community -Nashville
-Sleepy Hollow** -Brooklyn Nine-Nine**
-The Crazy Ones** -Dracula**
-The Goldbergs** -The Millers**
-Reign** -Arrested Development
Series with a significant portion of episodes watched:
-Buffy the Vampire Slayer -Friday Night Lights
-Don't Trust the B in Apt. 23 -The Carrie Diaries
-The IT Crowd -It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
-Futurama -Saturday Night Live
-The Walking Dead -Felicity
-How I Met Your Mother -Robot Chicken
-Full Metal Alchemist -Greg the Bunny
-The Following -Batman Beyond
-Fringe -The Vicar of Dibley
-Gossip Girl -The Michael J. Fox Show
-Game of Thrones -Avatar: the Last Airbender
Series with one or two episodes watched:
-Ben and Kate -Hannibal
-Workaholics -MythQuest
-The Black Donnelly's -Orange is the New Black
-Freaks and Geeks -Boy Meets World
-The Simpsons
**signifies a show watched for Lightbox Heroes
Favorite Discoveries: The Fountain. The Departed. Snatch. Paranorman. The World's End. The Elephant Man. Dr. Strangelove.
Most Uncomfortable Movies: Oldboy. The Master. Bachelorette. Escape from Tomorrow.
Movies That Made Me Angry: Watchmen. Pacific Rim.
Movies Whose Popularity Flummoxed Me: Ronin. The Boondock Saints.
Movies That Were An Unexpected Delight: 13 Assassins. White House Down. Justice League: Flashpoint Paradox.
Clint Eastwood Movies: Escape From Alcatraz. Pale Rider. Two Mules for Sister Sara. The Good, the Bad and the Ugly. Hang 'Em High.
BOOKS
-Moon Over Manifest -Y the Last Man: Girl on Girl
-Y the Last Man: Paper Dolls -Y the Last Man: Kimono Dragons
-Y the Last Man: Motherland -Y the Last Man: Whys and Wherefores
-Perks of Being a Wallflower -That Summer
-Confessions of a Serial Kisser -The Running Diaries
-Sammy Keyes and the Dead Giveaway -Chew: Flambe
-Astonishing X-men: Dangerous -Serenity: The Shepherd's Tale
-I,Q: Independence Hall -One Crazy Summer
-Watchmen -Anna Karenina
-The Road -A Gathering of Days
-The Paris Wife -A Girl of the Limberlost
-Think Tank, Vol. 1 -Good Omens
-Mr. Penumbra's 24-Hour Bookstore -Habibi
-Me, the Missing, and the Dead -Court of Owls
-East of Eden -1602
-Cloud Atlas -Island in the Sea of Time
-Covering America -American Vampire, Vol. 5
-Gods Like Us -Z: a novel of Zelda Fitzgerald
-Attachments -Eleanor and Park
-Black Hole -Wanted
-Relish -Court of Owls (2nd time)
-The Game of Thrones -The Black Mirror
-A Clash of Kings -Ex Machina: the First Hundred Days
-Ex Machina: Tag -Ex Machina: Fact v. Fiction
-Ex Machina: March to War -Ex Machina: Smoke Smoke
-Ex Machina: Power Down -All-Star Superman
-Joker: Death in the Family -A Storm of Swords
-Hawkeye 1 -Fangirl
-Such a Pretty Fat -The Elements of Journalism
TOTAL: 58
New Favorite Books: Perks of Being a Wallflower. Anna Karenina. East of Eden.
What I'd Recommend: The Paris Wife. Mr. Penumbra's 24-Hour Bookstore. Attachments. Good Omens. The Y the Last Man series. Relish.
Favorite Discovery: Rainbow Rowell, the author of Attachments, Eleanor and Park, and Fangirl.
Biggest Surprise: How addicting the Song of Ice and Fire (Game of Thrones) books are.
TELEVISION
Completed series watched in entirety:
-Bunheads -Firefly
-Stephen Fry in America -Terriers
-Breaking Bad -30 Rock
-Welcome to the Family**
Ongoing series watched faithfully:
-Mad Men -Parks and Recreation
-Community -Nashville
-Sleepy Hollow** -Brooklyn Nine-Nine**
-The Crazy Ones** -Dracula**
-The Goldbergs** -The Millers**
-Reign** -Arrested Development
Series with a significant portion of episodes watched:
-Buffy the Vampire Slayer -Friday Night Lights
-Don't Trust the B in Apt. 23 -The Carrie Diaries
-The IT Crowd -It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
-Futurama -Saturday Night Live
-The Walking Dead -Felicity
-How I Met Your Mother -Robot Chicken
-Full Metal Alchemist -Greg the Bunny
-The Following -Batman Beyond
-Fringe -The Vicar of Dibley
-Gossip Girl -The Michael J. Fox Show
-Game of Thrones -Avatar: the Last Airbender
Series with one or two episodes watched:
-Ben and Kate -Hannibal
-Workaholics -MythQuest
-The Black Donnelly's -Orange is the New Black
-Freaks and Geeks -Boy Meets World
-The Simpsons
**signifies a show watched for Lightbox Heroes
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