Show Yourself

This is me, being 31.

This is also me wearing some makeup for the first time in... three weeks? Maybe longer? Even that was only for a doctors appointment. Before that, who even knows.

Welp. I'm older. What a time to be alive, amiright?

Last year, I referenced my "plans for shattering life the tiniest bit."

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHahahahahahahahahahahaha *wipes hysterical tears*

via GIPHY

Tiniest bit may be the greatest understatement I've ever made in a semi-understated life.

Things I did while 30:

• Left Seattle
• Moved to Texas (without housing)
• Found a temporary apartment
• Signed Alex up for preschool/daycare
• Started a teaching gig
• Bought a house
• Left my teaching gig
• Spent six months (and counting!) unemployed
• Hosted more visitors in the past six months than I did during seven years in Seattle
• Watched my dad die
• Spoke at my dad's funeral
• The world underwent quarantine for a global pandemic

And here we are.

It seems like every time I took a breath this year—every time I cleared a hurdle, squared my shoulders, and thought now, this is it, this is where I find a routine and things get back to normal—there would be an email, a phone call, a new urgent need sending me scrambling to find some sense of equilibrium.

And yet, despite that cursed list above, despite my constant anxiety and yearning for the world to just settle on down a skosh, there's been deep satisfaction this year.

Alex turned three and became my movie buddy. We've watched endless loops of Totoro, Rango, and Frozen. We've cuddled watching Avatar: the Last Airbender, crunched popcorn while giggling at School of Rock. Afterwards, her rush to act out scenes or continue the story with whatever doll or toy or simply her fingers and thumbs together like a puppet, electrifies me. She's not a baby. I have a goofy, stubborn, sensitive, creative kid in my house. It's a blast. 88% of the time, anyway.

Taylor, forever my partner, has cared for me and my family this year. He's talked to people, handled endless paperwork, held my hand, and comforted me through heartbreak. He's done all that while experiencing these strange events in lockstep, and been a rock through it all. I'm so grateful for all those choices that brought us together.

Texas. So. I love Texas? Believe me, I'm more surprised than anyone. We moved to a suburb, and I so love being part of a cozy neighborhood, one with a grocery and furniture stores and every fast food restaurant I would ever want within a two-mile radius. I love Austin itself, the warm night atmosphere, the patio lights and outdoor seating and omnipresent guitar strums. I love that the sky lives up to each and every giant testament, a limitless scope set off by perfectly scruffy treescapes. I love the wildflowers, the cactus, the river shores surrounded by dimpled rocks. I love seeing lightning again.  

Right now, everyone seems to be baking.* This year I am dough. I've been folded, twisted and turned and stretched. I've had to be elastic, to easily stretch to accommodate and mold into each new situation. I really hope something tasty happens now.

When Alex watches Frozen 2, there's a song that pulls my heartstrings and yes, brings me to suppress sobs. At this point I've heard it so much you'd think I'd be immune, but nope. It feels intensely personal. Almost written for me in this moment.** There's a part where Elsa sings "show yourself, step into your power," and I break into the chin-quivers. That is what I've always wanted. That is what I hope for.

31, let's get some power.

30. 29. 28. 27. 26. 25.

*I'm no exception. I've got the mason jar full of freshly established sourdough starter to prove it.
**Does it feel weird that this type of self-recognition comes from a Disney property? Yes. Yes it does. Now let's move past it and never speak of this moment again.

2017: On the Screen

Total Movies Watched: 68. Yep. Lowest amount in years. Well. Then.

Honestly, I'm OK with the reduced number this year. Because I saw less, I truly valued and was discerning with the movies I did watch. I think I viewed some beautiful films this year.

With the exception of The Accountant. That movie was AWFUL. But everything else was at least on a scale from exceptional to slightly disappointing.

Favorite Movies Released in 2017:
-Logan. This might be the very top of my list. A beautiful, sad, thoughtful movie.
-LEGO Batman
-Baby Driver. I didn't think I'd be able to even watch Ansel Elgort, let alone be charmed by him. Yet there I was! I credit the musicality of the film with 87% of that.
-The Big Sick
-Wonder Woman. I cried.
-Lady Bird
-The Shape of Water. Brought up all those floaty, lovely feelings. Slightly reminiscent of the sweet nostalgia of Amelie, but with that monster movie twist. Loved it.

Movies I Watched By Myself in Theaters: 
-Lion
-The Big Sick
-Blade Runner 2049
-Lady Bird
-The Shape of Water

Animated Movies that are Gorgeous and Beautiful and Everyone Should See:
-Kubo and the Two Strings. Stunning modeling. I want to frame so many stills.
-Moana. I cried. Yep.
-Song of the Sea

Movies I Watched for Halloween:
-The Cell. I'd never seen it before, and it was visually remarkable and incredibly disturbing. Also, aren't we glad that Hollywood didn't stay on the Vince Vaughn as a marketable serious star?
-Okja. Further proof that I always enjoy Paul Dano.
-Dracula (1931). I'd never seen it before, and it's gorgeous.
-The Witches of Eastwick. Meh. Although, Cher is magnetic. I think I may be a fan of her as a movie star, based on the two movies I've seen.

Movies Sticking With Me:
-Hidden Figures. Strong women doing amazing things? Sign me up.
-10 Cloverfield Lane. I don't know why Abrams and Co. are tenuously connecting these movies together with the events of Cloverfield, and I don't know if I support it. But I do believe that this is one of the more intense kidnap thrillers I've seen.
-Get Out. I'm standing behind everything said and written about it. You go, Jordan Peele.
-Captain Fantastic. I didn't love the movie, but it was thought-provoking. Shows how misguided some otherwise admirable qualities can be.
-Split. James McAvoy is a wonder (obligatory remember when I met him mention). I'm also surprisingly OK with the story continuation hinted at towards the end.

Clint Eastwood Movies:
-Play Misty for Me. Sneaking it in right before the end of the year.

THE COMPLETE LIST:

• Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory
• Labyrinth
• Hidden Figures
• Burn After Reading
• Dope
• Lion
• LEGO Batman (x2)
• Singing in the Rain
• John Wick: Chapter Two
• 10 Cloverfield Lane
• Logan (x3)
• What We Do in the Shadows
• Magic Mike
• Captain Fantastic
• Deconstructing the Beatles Revolver
• Up in the Air
• Kubo and the Two Strings
• A History of Violence
• The Aquatic Life of Steve Zissou
• Alien: Covenant
• LEGO Batman
• Midnight in Paris
• Atlantis: the Lost Empire
• Shaun of the Dead
• The Godfather, pt. 1
• Wonder Woman
• Moana
• Baby Driver
• Moonlight
• Tropic Thunder
• The African Queen
• Bronson
• Song of the Sea
• The Big Sick
• An American Werewolf in London
• The Beatles Eight Days a Week
• The Road to El Dorado
• The Maltese Falcon
• Dunkirk
• Tour de Pharmacy
• Speed
• The Incredible Jessica James
• The Nice Guys
• St. Elmo's Fire
• Finding Dory
• The Cell
• La La Land
• Trolls
• Blade Runner 2049
• Okja
• Dracula (1931)
• The Witches of Eastwick
• Get Out
• Lady Bird
• Eagles of Death Metal: Nos Amis
• Queen of Versailles
• Split
• Thor: Ragnarok
• Kong: Skull Island
• Star Wars: The Last Jedi
• The Accountant
• A Muppet Christmas Carol
• Guardians of the Galaxy vol. 2
• Play Misty For Me
• The Shape of Water
• The Raid: Redemption

2016: On the Screen

Remember how last year, I said that movies are a necessary boost for my mental acuity? That might explain why 2016 feels like a sludge of a year for me. At least any creative zing I felt can be attributed to these films. Heaven knows I wasn't getting that inspiration from the written word this year.

Without further ado, the stats!

Total Movies Watched: 79. Hahahahahahahaha *sob* My, what a precipitous drop-off.

Movies I Watched to Mourn David Bowie:
-Basquiat
-Labyrinth

I was going to watch The Prestige and The Hunger, but I didn't get to them. They'll have to wait for another tribute.

Movies I Watched By Myself in Theaters:
-Brooklyn. By a strange twist of chance, Taylor and I ended up on opposite sides of the country on our last childless anniversary. Taylor celebrated by eating corned beef at a Boston St. Patrick's Day party. I celebrated by dragging my 4-month pregnant self to a showing of this beautiful, swoonworthy romantic movie. There was popcorn, perhaps a few tears shed, and definite awe at this lovely film.
-Zootopia. How much solo theater crying is too much? Asking for a friend.
-The Hunt for the Wilderpeople. My last treat to myself, right before giving birth. A wise decision on my part.
-Don't Think Twice. Honestly, it was uncomfortable viewing. Improv folks seem exhausting, and that overshadowed the story and any empathy for me.

Visually Stunning Films:
-Macbeth (2015)
-The Revenant
-Brooklyn
-John Wick
-Swiss Army Man
-The World's End
-Jane Eyre (2015)*

*It's decided—I will watch anything Cary Fukunaga directs.

Movies I Watched for Halloween:
None. BOO.

Classic Movies I'd Never Seen:
-Dazed and Confused
-Dr. No
-Amadeus
-Casablanca. I know. You don't need to tell me. I know!
-The Apartment. Can you believe this was released in 1960? I can't. It's so subversive, and dark, and heartbreaking. What an amazing movie.
-Full Metal Jacket. And now I understand Vincent D'Onofrio.
-Space Jam. Again, I know. I did so much gymnastics to the soundtrack as a kid, it feels like I saw the movie. But I didn't.
-Blazing Saddles. I'll love Gene Wilder forever.
-Sunset Boulevard. Worth every accolade you can throw at it.
-The American President. Maybe not a classic, but here because it should be. This might be my favorite Sorkin property. Definitely in the top three.
-The Warriors

Favorite Movies Released in 2016:
-Deadpool
-Brooklyn
-Popstar. I'm ride or die for The Lonely Island. They are, and always will be, Ka-Blamo.
-The Hunt for the Wilderpeople
-Swiss Army Man
-La La Land

Clint Eastwood Movies:
-For a Few Dollars More
-Letters From Iwo Jima (counting it)

THE COMPLETE LIST:

• Rumble in the Bronx
• The Hateful Eight
• Basquiat
• Galaxy Quest
• Labyrinth
• The Martian
• Deadpool
• O Brother Where Art Thou?
• The Revenant
• No Country For Old Men
• Dark Star: HR Giger's World
• Aliens
• About a Boy
• School of Rock
• Dazed and Confused
• Brooklyn
• Sliding Doors
• Macbeth (2015)
• Dr. No
• Hudsucker Proxy
• Bowfinger
• Don Verdean
• Amadeus
• Casablanca
• Letters From Iwo Jima
• The Apartment
• Ali Wong: Baby Cobra
• Central Intelligence
• Ip Man 3
• Full Metal Jacket
• Zootopia
• Popstar
• The Fugitive
• Superbad
• Deadpool
• Cruel Intentions
• Lethal Weapon
• The World's End
• Mad Max: Fury Road
• Swiss Army Man
• Ghostbusters (2016)
• Space Jam
• Star Trek Beyond
• Tig
• Love and Mercy
• The City of Lost Children
• The Hunt for the Wilderpeople
• The Burbs
• Joe vs. the Volcano
• Clear and Present Danger
• John Wick
• The Producers
• Don't Think Twice
• Strictly Ballroom
• For A Few Dollars More
• Punk's Dead: SLC Punk 2
• Sunset Boulevard
• Robin Hood (1973)
• 42
• Godfather part II
• American Outlaws
• Frank
• Blazing Saddles
• The American President
• The Warriors
• Hot Rod
• Big Eyes
• Hacksaw Ridge
• The Crucible
• Love, Actually
• Creed
• MST3K Santa Claus
• Sausage Party
• The Finest Hours
• Rogue One
• La La Land
• While You Were Sleeping
• In-lawfully Yours
• Jane Eyre (2011)

Cracking the Shield

I knew motherhood would change me.

I fully anticipated a complete upheaval of my status quo. As I've said before, I steeled myself against screaming and sleepless nights and general grumpiness. And wouldn't you know, those haven't been my issues. Instead, I'm faced with a shocking wave of emotion. Not just having emotion—which is fairly new, but has been in the works for about five years—but having a specific, softening of emotions.

In other words, I'm now an utter marshmallow.

This softness blindsided me. I wasn't fully in the can for children yet, I didn't consider myself warm or inviting, and out of the two of us I was always a little more standoffish than Taylor. But as soon as they laid that squirming kid on my chest, it was over. I was hers.

And now I'm a crier. Pop culture that didn't penetrate my hard shell now annihilates me. Any children in peril, or separation from parents? Done. I'm done. After Alex was born, I tried watching Six Feet Under, but found it hard to continue after episode 11, where the mortuary prepares a baby who died of SIDS. I just finished Robin Roe's novel A List Of Cages. I started it in January, but had to put it down for a while after the descriptions of child abuse got too oppressive.

Essentially, I was a giant bleeding heart, which belied my carefully carved and crafted outer shell.

That brings us to Wonder Woman. The recent batch of DC movies holds little to no interest for me. This might be traced to my complete Zack Snyder disdain, or my recent weariness with superhero flicks as a whole. That being said, I did enjoy the teasing of Wonder Woman in BvS, she seemed to actually have a musical theme (saints be priased!), and oh yeah, women are important. Even if it sucked, I knew I would see this movie in theatres. It was my duty.

What I didn't expect was how watching it would fully crack my protective shield. It was a super hero movie! About I character I'd never connected with, even as a child, interpreting her as cheesy and a little bit exploitative! How could I have expected a film about her would rip out my heart and show to the world?

It began. I was fine. I saw a little girl running down the street. I was still fine. That little girl stopped to watch a bunch of muscled, fast, strong women training on a field. As they trained, she stood on the sidelines and copied them, little fists punching the air and feet kicking. And as for me? Oh yeah, I LOST IT.

via GIPHY

The sobbing was involuntary. My body trembled, my seat becoming it's own little earthquake as I tried to suppress the weirdly uncontrollable tears. I kept thinking, why? Why am I crying? This is amazing! It's also just another action movie, right? Wrong. I mean, yeah, sure, it was. It was pretty conventionally shot, not even too skillfully.* But the ability to see women performing actions that I'd only seen in the realm of men—actions that were pure and destructive and powerful, and without an overly-sexualized lens? That was incredible. It was overpowering.

And it happened over, and over, and over again.

Every time I watched Diana fight, I cried. I believed in the fact that representation matters, but I thought it mattered more for other people. I figured that I could watch my Batman and Indiana Jones and those men and just model myself after that. Easy. Except it wasn't, and I felt that in my soul while watching Wonder Woman. There was power in seeing women be strong, independent of a man. The Amazons were created to elevate humanity, to protect not just through emotion (which they had and valued), but through strength. Women had fought onscreen before, but it had been in tight leather with moves choreographed to accentuate every curve. It was, you guessed it, created for the male gaze. There is leather in the movie, and amazing curves, but it only serves to reinforce the idea that women are strong, women are capable, and women act for themselves.

Thinking about showing this to my daughter was exhilarating. That's actually one of the most exciting parts of parenthood right now—the thought of sharing the culture I love. Her first month, I loved playing Alex the Beatles and Bowie and Nirvana, reveling in the fact that there is the perfect, beautiful being who hadn't heard these things before.

Someday, she'll awake to those bands. And now I have more to awake her to. I've got actual models to point at and say, look darling. That can be you. Pure, unfettered, and minus any mental gymnastics. She can see that, and believe.

*I'm still sorting through my feelings on the slow motion. I didn't love it while watching the movie, and found it a bit distracting, but the more I think about it the more I do appreciate the display of a woman's body in full strength mode, so there's that.

2015: On the Screen

This year's movie scene started out promising. I averaged around two movies a week, helped in part by a lack of steady employment and by a volunteering gig at Scarecrow Video. Honestly, it was a creative haven for me. I was watching movies outside my comfort zone, studying directors, becoming more of an auteur completist. Taylor and I barreled through 70s war movie and Kurosawa phases, dipped our toes into classic works we'd never seen. For my sadly short-lived Most Worlds blog (short-lived due completely to my own personal failings), I immersed myself in glam and vampire films, forced myself through horror flicks. With so many opportunities for new and great films, it was a golden age for the expansion of world views and massive explosions of personal creativity.

And then in July, I embarked upon the Grand X-Files Rewatch of 2015.

Watching one episode a day of any TV show is unexpectedly taxing. It's a lot of screen time, especially when you fall behind and have to catch up on six hours over the weekend. Compound that with rejoining the teaching force and my treasured film time seriously deteriorated. I was lucky to get one a week, if that. It left a surprising hole in my heart. To those who argue movies are a waste of time and brain, I say PHOOEY. It's a necessary boost for my mental acuity. Without movies, my brain is sludge. With movies, my brain ticks and whirs. Go figure.

So, without further ado, my 2015 movie round-up:

Total Movies Watched: 112. A serious dip from last year (133). Again, I blame the X-Files rewatch.

Movies I Saw By Myself in Theatres: The Imitation Game. Selma. Cuidad Delirio. Amy. Ricki and the Flash. Crimson Peak. Steve Jobs. The Big Short.

Movies I FINALLY Watched, Under Much Duress: The Hunt for Red October. It was not as boring as I thought it would be. However, it was also not as great as I'd been led to believe. It was a solid "a'ight."

Movies I Watched for Halloween: Monster Squad. Shaun of the Dead. MST3K: Manos. Corpse Bride. The Worst Witch. The Witches. Young Frankenstein. Something Wicked This Way Comes. 28 Days Later.

Martial Arts Movies: Police Story 3: Supercop. Armour of God 2: Operation Condor. Legend of Drunken Master 2. Fist of Legend. Rifftrax: Miami Connection.*

*I'm counting it. I mean, martial arts IS the co-main focus of the movie (next to neutered 80's pop songs).

Classic Movies I'd Never Seen: Heat. Zodiac. His Girl Friday. Ran. A Streetcar Named Desire. THe Shining. The Deer Hunter. Fight Club. The Silence of the Lambs. Jaws. The Seven Samurai.**

**Flawless Film

Movies Whose Awfulness Angered Me: The Hobbit: the Battle of Five Armies. Avengers: Age of Ultron.***

***Sweet mercy, I hated this movie. I'll be the first to admit I suffer from superhero film fatigue, and the whole building-smash-quick-cut style in this film didn't help. And then there's what they did to Hawkeye. Clint is not a family man. It does not make sense. And the love story was dumb, and they barely gave Quicksilver any lines so WHO CARES. You can tell that Whedon was exhausted with the film, because every frame resonates with a lack of caring. OK, do an explosion, fine. That's your delivery, Ruffalo? Cool, whatever. "Let's just finish the thing and go home" must have been Whedon's mantra as a director, and it was definitely my perspective as a viewer.

Movies That Filled Me With Righteous Anger: The Big Short.

Favorite Movies Released in 2015: The Big Short. Ex Machina. Star Wars VII. Crimson Peak. **** Straight Outta Compton. What We Do in the Shadows.

****Pure Gothic giddiness throughout. A typical del Toro visual feast, but with enough story to keep me interested.

Clint Eastwood Movies: Gran Torino. A Fistful of Dollars.

THE COMPLETE LIST:

• Almost Famous
• The Return of the King
• Pee Wee's Big Adventure
• Election
• Jimi Hendrix: Hear My Train A Comin'
• Heat
• Velvet Goldmine
• Mud
• Punk-Drunk Love
• The Fifth Element
• Wayne's World 2
• Zodiac
• The Imitation Game
• Moulin Rouge
• Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion
• Snowpiercer
• The Hobbit: the Battle of Five Armies
• Can't Hardly Wait
• Patton Oswalt: Tragedy Plus Comedy...
• Donald Glover: Weirdo
• Police Story 3: Supercop
• Gran Torino
• A Fistful of Dollars
• John Wick
• Scott Pilgrim vs. the World
• American Sniper
• Selma
• His Girl Friday
• The Amazing Spiderman 2
• Remember the Titans
• Fantasia
• Fantasia 2000
• Armour of God 2: Operation Condor
• Gremlins
• Trading Places
• What We Do in the Shadows
• 20 Feet From Stardom
• Horns
• The Big Lebowski
• She's All That
• The Crow
• Legend of Drunken Master 2
• Spirited Away
• Ran
• A Streetcar Named Desire
• Life Itself
• Cuidad Delirio
• The Shining
• The Deer Hunter
• Mad Max: Fury Road
• West of Redemption
• Fist of Legend
• The Spy Who Loved
• Fight Club
• Hot Fuzz
• The Man with the Golden Gun
• Inside Out
• The Lost Boys
• We Are the Best!
• Ray
• Django Unchained
• Inglourious Basterds
• Rifftrax: Independence Day
• Pulp Fiction
• Jurassic World 
• Attack the Block
• The Silence of the Lambs
• Sharknado 3
• True Grit
• Mr. Holmes
• Amy
• Ricki and the Flash
• Bridget Jones's Diary
• Shakespeare in Love
• From Dusk Till Dawn
• Benny and Joon
• The Hunt for Red October
• Straight Outta Compton
• Throne of Blood
• Jaws
• The Seven Samurai
• Monster Squad
• Casino
• Hercules (2014)
• MST3K: Manos
• Rifftrax: Miami Connection
• Black Mass
• Shaun of the Dead
• Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves
• Corpse Bride
• The Worst Witch
• The Witches
• Young Frankenstein
• Something Wicked This Way Comes
• 28 Days Later
• The X-Files (Fight the Future)
• Crimson Peak
• The World's End
• Spectre
• Steve Jobs
• Coco Before Chanel
• The Godfather
• Laggies
• Kill Bill vol. 1
• Kill Bill vol. 2
• Star Wars VII: The Force Awakens
• Sisters
• The Dark Knight Returns
• Ex Machina
• Avengers: Age of Ultron
• The Big Short
• Leon: The Professional

2014: On the Screen

Last year was the first time I kept track of my media consumption, writing down all the movies I watched and books I read.  I lumped those statistics in with my end of year post, which I think made it far too long and intimidating.  This year, I'm separating them into individual sections.  Give that media a chance to breathe!  So first up, my year with the silver screen.

Total Movies Watched: 133. Up 23 from last year.

Movies so utterly "me" that it's crazy to think this was my first time watching them: The Addams Family.  The Addams Family Values.  Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure. Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey.

Movies I reviewed: Boyhood. Good People. One Chance.* John Wick. Nightcrawler. Awake: the Story of Yogananda.

Movies about people I worked for: Frost/Nixon

Movies that made me cry: Atonement. Celeste + Jesse Forever.  Saving Mr. Banks.** Before Midnight. Boyhood. Raging Bull. Begin Again.

Movies that made me angry/physically uncomfortable: The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug. Planes, Trains, and Automobiles.

Movies that were just sort of a disappointment: Lucy. American Hustle. The Spectacular Now. Sound City. Dear White People.

Movies that lived up to their stellar reputation: The Talented Mr. Ripley. Taxi Driver. Rocky. Stand By Me. Blade Runner: The Final Cut. Patton.

Movies I LOVED: Mud. John Wick.

Music Movies: Good Ol' Freda. Pearl Jam Twenty. 20 Feet From Stardom. The Sapphires. Back and Forth. The Punk Singer. One Chance. Begin Again. Get On Up. Sound City.

Clint Eastwood Movies: Joe Kidd. The Outlaw Josey Wales.

*Unpublished, but still reviewed.
**Yeah?  So?  I'm not made of stone, people.

THE COMPLETE LIST:

• In Bruges
• The Addams Family
• Frozen 
• Say Anything
• Spaceballs 
• Saving Mr. Banks
• Joe Kidd
• American Hustle 
• Good Ol' Freda 
• Eyes on the Prize 
• The People vs. George Lucas 
• Pearl Jam Twenty 
• Romeo+Juliet
• The Croods 
• The Talented Mr. Ripley 
• X-men: First Class
• Casino Royale
• Skyfall 
• Atonement 
• Mean Girls 
• Clueless 
• Penelope 
• Muppets Most Wanted 
• Thelma and Louise
• Braveheart 
• 20 Feet From Stardom 
• Airplane!
• Prince of Egypt
• John Mulaney: New in Town
• Taxi Driver (x2)
• Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels
• Easy A
• Killing us Softly 4
• Mud
• Dumb and Dumber
• Rocky
• The Invisible War
• Gladiator 
• Macbeth (the BBC version with James McAvoy)
• Seven Psychopaths 
• Celeste + Jesse Forever 
• Godzilla (2014)
• X-men: Days of Future Past 
• Star Trek: Into Darkness 
• Cinema Paradiso 
• The Sapphires 
• The Grand Budapest Hotel 
• Veronica Mars 
• Saved
• Top Secret! 
• Back and Forth 
• The Fault in Our Stars 
• Dredd 
• Dogtown and Z Boys 
• Chef
• Captain America: The Winter Soldier 
• Cry-Baby
• World War Z 
• The Great Muppet Caper 
• The Punk Singer
• Edge of Tomorrow 
• X-men: First Class 
• The Spectacular Now 
• The Secret of Kells 
• RiffTrax Sharknado 
• Whedon's Much Ado About Nothing 
• Reality Bites
• Begin Again 
• Moonstruck 
• Pineapple Express 
• Stand By Me
• Lucy 
• Before Midnight 
• Magic in the Moonlight 
• I Know That Voice
• Boyhood (x2)
• Guardians of the Galaxy 
• Mousehunt 
• Fever Pitch
• The Lego Movie 
• Frost/Nixon 
• The Outlaw Josey Wales
• Bring it On
• The Trip to Italy 
• Muppet Treasure Island 
• The Godfather 
• Ghost in the Shell 
• Blade Runner: Final Cut 
• The Trip 
• RiffTrax Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone 
• The Godfather: Part II
• The Wolverine
• Wild
• Good People 
• Raging Bull
• Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure
• Apocalypse Now
• The Judge
• Amelie
• Matilda
• John Wick
• The Untouchables 
• Dear White People 
• One Chance
• Patton
• Nightcrawler 
• The Big Shave
• Goodfellas 
• Get On Up
• The Frighteners 
• Birdman 
• Sound City
• Carlito's Way
• The Hobbit: the Desolation of Smaug
• Interstellar 
• Awake: The Story of Yogananda 
• The Addams Family Values
• Grosse Pointe Blank
• Jackie Brown
• The Ghost and the Darkness
• The Legend of Drunken Master 
• The Departed
• Bram Stoker's Dracula 
• A Knight's Tale 
• Sleepless in Seattle 
• Planes, Trains and Automobiles 
• Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey 
• Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring 
• The Saint 
• Exodus: Gods and Kings 
• Lords of Dogtown 
• Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers 

Return and Report

Part the First: Reflection

Well, 2013 has been a crap-bucket of a year.

Or so I thought when I initially sat down to write this, my yearly recap.*

Then I realized how much the extreme, soul-crushing suckitude of the past four months has colored my views.  Just because the latter third of the year drained me of all optimism and hope doesn't mean that good ol' 2013 has been a total wash.  In fact, it was a magical year in many ways.

Because this

In 2012, I fell in love with Seattle.  In 2013, Seattle became my home—a sad fact I didn't fully understand until I left it behind for the rocky coldness of the East Coast.  Somewhere along the road, despite the gray skies and the truly horrific traffic, Seattle snuck into my heart and settled down.  It packed up Thai food, Alki beach, the lighthouse at Discovery Park, the house in Queen Anne, the apartment by Silver Platters, the car full of educators starting and stopping down the 90 blasting music along the way.  It smuggled in memories of barbecues on the patio, where my fingers picked charred lamb off the cutting board, where I drank ginger beer and feasted on the best damn guacamole I've ever had.  Thoughts of Menchie's runs and reading on sunny days by Green Lake.  The sunsets—sweet mercy, the sunsets!—viewed from rocky beaches or Pike Place or the top of Cougar Mountain as I finished work and headed out to carpool.

Gorgeous view above the clouds

One of the best parts of having a place you love is sharing it with others, and Taylor and I got to share Seattle with many people this year (Paige, Ryan, James, Jihad, Sarah, Leo, my parents, Lauren).  We had the tour down pat—dinner at Orrapin on Queen Anne or Bengal Tiger down the street from our apartment.  Desserts from Menchie's, Trophy Cupcakes, Top Pot, or one of the many, many incredible bakeries.  One day had to be spent at Pike Place, going to Golden Age Collectables and wandering through secondhand bookstores.  Stopping for soda at the Pear Delicatessen.  If the lines weren't too long, maybe grabbing some Piroshky Piroshky pastries,  Beecher's mac 'n cheese, or the meatball sub at the Pasta Bar (a personal favorite).  Sometimes I would take people to wander around Capitol Hill, stepping into Eliott Bay Book Company or any of the shops on Broadway.  Often, I'd talk someone into visiting my happy place at the EMP and then checking out Seattle Center.  At some point, Taylor would take visitors on a driving loop on Queen Anne, where we'd point out sites from Seattle history and our own personal backstories.

Basically, the first two-thirds of this year were spent soaking up Seattle.  Taylor worked hard to finish school, graduating with his Masters.  I worked hard to save up money for the move to Boston, and despite some bratty kids I mostly enjoyed teaching history and journalism and mythology, going on some great field trips (NCI!) and interacting with six-year-olds for the first time at summer camp.

The North Cascades

That was before we packed up everything and headed out to Boston.  The road trip back was amazing.  In Montana I finally learned the truth of the phrase "purple mountain majesty."  I felt a sacred peace in the Black Hills of South Dakota.  I drove through the Badlands in a lightening storm and was completely alive.  Taylor and I braved the staid cornfields of Iowa to visit Scholte, and in Chicago we met with rain and blues and Gary and Giordano's.  We cozied up in an Eerie bed and breakfast, feeling nervous about the move for the first time and trying desperately to lose ourselves in the beauty of a small town.

And then came Boston.  And grad school.  While we've enjoyed exploring this city, exploring revolutionary history and cemeteries packed with my literary heroes, and while I have loved going to classes and constantly writing and the people I've met through articles and stories, I can't quite talk about Boston without bitterness in my voice.  Because I miss the happiness I left behind.

But that's OK.  Because now, on to 2014.  The year of endurance.

This is the year I put my head down and work.  Where I take Boston and feast on all it offers me.  And then next year, once I have sucked out all the education and experiences possible, I can leave this withered husk behind me and move on to real life.

*Previous recaps: 2012, 2011, 2010

Part the Second: Reporting

Last year, I set a few goals.  Here's how they went.

1. Get published.

Well, not so much.  Not officially.  BUT!  This year I started the television review site Lightbox Heroes with dear friends Mary and Rosemary.  It has been the single most beneficial thing I could have done for my writing, and it is several steps closer to what I want to be doing.  I feel pretty good about this one.

2. Get into grad school.

Done.  Masters of Journalism at Boston University, scheduled to be finished January 2015.

3. Stop eating food in the faculty room.

Ha. That's cute.

4. Keep track of the media I consumed.  Consume more media.

Done and done, and reported below.  While I don't know for certain that I consumed more media than last year, it certainly felt like I did.  And I was much more conscious of actively working to watch more movies and read more books.

One huge milestone I overcame was being comfortable with mass media consumption.  For many people, these types of activities are methods for release or ways to laze about, and so I would always be self-conscious about how frequently I would partake in these activities.  But considering that this is what I want to do—write about pop culture—this is precisely what I should be doing with my time.  So this year was a time for throwing off the shackles of what other people thought and growing my portfolio of expertise.  Making up for lost time, if you will.

5. Write reviews for every book I read.

Another negative.  But I recorded all the books I read, and I am working on slowly making up for lost time.  Writing for Lightbox Heroes showed me how easy it can be to write reviews, I just have to do them immediately and not let them pile up.  So with that in mind, I should be much more reliable this year.

Now without further ado, the media stats. 

MOVIES

-Jurassic Park                                                          -Justice League: Doom

-Spiderman                                                              -The Untouchables

-Django Unchained                                                  -The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey

-Inglourious Basterds                                                -Escape From Alcatraz

-Two Mules for Sister Sara                                       -Pale Rider

-National Geographic Explorer: 25 Years                    -The Fountain

-Good Will Hunting                                                   -Naked Gun 2 1/2 

-Objectified                                                              -T2

-Serenity                                                                  -Safety Not Guaranteed

-Raising Arizona                                                       -Last of the Mohicans

-The Departed                                                          -The Godfather 2

-Side by Side                                                            -Batman Beyond: The Return of the Joker

-Capote                                                                    -Into the Wild

-Note by Note: The Making of Steinway L1037          -Zero Dark Thirty

-Reality Bites                                                            -Once

-NFFTY Opening Night                                            -Slacker

-Legends of the Fall                                                  -V for Vendetta

-Ironman 3                                                               -The Great Gatsby

-Watchmen                                                               -Bachelorette

-Willow                                                                    -Reservoir Dogs

-Akira                                                                      -Psycho

-The Town                                                                -Snatch

-Mystery Men                                                           -The Iceman Tapes

-Clerks                                                                     -Training Day

-Ronin                                                                       -Ninja Scroll

-Pitch Perfect                                                            -13 Assassins

-James and the Giant Peach                                       -Let it Be

-The Bling Ring                                                         -Chinatown

-Paranorman                                                             -Tucker and Dale vs. Evil

-Chasing Amy                                                           -Oldboy

-Pacific Rim                                                              -Butter

-Goldfinger                                                                -Johnny Carson: King of Late Night

-The Way Way Back                                                 -Cloud Atlas

-The Breakfast Club                                                   -Shaolin Soccer

-Rifftrax: Titanic                                                         -Wristcutters

-Hang 'Em High                                                          -SLC Punk

-Paranoid: Black Sabbath                                            -Rifftrax: Starship Troopers

-The World's End                                                       -The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

-Hero                                                                         -The Elephant Man

-Dr. Strangelove                                                         -East of Eden

-Who Framed Roger Rabbit                                         -The Other F Word

-Before Sunrise                                                           -Before Sunset

-In a World                                                                 -Tombstone

-My Kid Could Paint That                                           -Escape From Tomorrow

-Hocus Pocus                                                             -Boondock Saints

-Dances With Wolves                                                 -Muscle Shoals

-Shattered Glass                                                         -Baraka

-Hitchcock                                                                 -Se7en

-Inside Llewyn Davis                                                  -Absence of Malice

-No Country for Old Men                                           -Night of the Living Dead

-Rifftrax: Santa Claus Conquers the Martians               -Star Trek: First Contact

-The Master                                                              -Justice League: Flashpoint Paradox

-A Brady Bunch Movie                                              -White House Down

-The Patriot                                                               -Fargo

-Brave                                                                       -Brick

TOTAL: 110

Favorite Discoveries: The Fountain. The Departed. Snatch. Paranorman. The World's End. The Elephant Man. Dr. Strangelove.

Most Uncomfortable Movies: Oldboy. The Master. Bachelorette. Escape from Tomorrow.

Movies That Made Me Angry: Watchmen. Pacific Rim.

Movies Whose Popularity Flummoxed Me: Ronin. The Boondock Saints.

Movies That Were An Unexpected Delight: 13 Assassins. White House Down. Justice League: Flashpoint Paradox.

Clint Eastwood Movies: Escape From Alcatraz. Pale Rider. Two Mules for Sister Sara. The Good, the Bad and the Ugly. Hang 'Em High.

BOOKS

-Moon Over Manifest                                               -Y the Last Man: Girl on Girl
-Y the Last Man: Paper Dolls                                    -Y the Last Man: Kimono Dragons
-Y the Last Man: Motherland                                    -Y the Last Man: Whys and Wherefores
-Perks of Being a Wallflower                                     -That Summer
-Confessions of a Serial Kisser                                   -The Running Diaries
-Sammy Keyes and the Dead Giveaway                     -Chew: Flambe
-Astonishing X-men: Dangerous                                 -Serenity: The Shepherd's Tale
-I,Q: Independence Hall                                            -One Crazy Summer
-Watchmen                                                               -Anna Karenina
-The Road                                                                -A Gathering of Days
-The Paris Wife                                                        -A Girl of the Limberlost
-Think Tank, Vol. 1                                                  -Good Omens
-Mr. Penumbra's 24-Hour Bookstore                         -Habibi
-Me, the Missing, and the Dead                                 -Court of Owls
-East of Eden                                                            -1602
-Cloud Atlas                                                             -Island in the Sea of Time
-Covering America                                                    -American Vampire, Vol. 5
-Gods Like Us                                                          -Z: a novel of Zelda Fitzgerald
-Attachments                                                            -Eleanor and Park
-Black Hole                                                              -Wanted
-Relish                                                                      -Court of Owls (2nd time)
-The Game of Thrones                                              -The Black Mirror
-A Clash of Kings                                                      -Ex Machina: the First Hundred Days
-Ex Machina: Tag                                                      -Ex Machina: Fact v. Fiction
-Ex Machina: March to War                                       -Ex Machina: Smoke Smoke
-Ex Machina: Power Down                                        -All-Star Superman
-Joker: Death in the Family                                        -A Storm of Swords
-Hawkeye 1                                                               -Fangirl
-Such a Pretty Fat                                                      -The Elements of Journalism

TOTAL: 58

New Favorite Books: Perks of Being a Wallflower.  Anna Karenina.  East of Eden.

What I'd Recommend: The Paris Wife.  Mr. Penumbra's 24-Hour Bookstore.  Attachments.  Good Omens.  The Y the Last Man series.  Relish.

Favorite Discovery: Rainbow Rowell, the author of Attachments, Eleanor and Park, and Fangirl.

Biggest Surprise: How addicting the Song of Ice and Fire (Game of Thrones) books are.

TELEVISION

Completed series watched in entirety: 

-Bunheads                                                                 -Firefly
-Stephen Fry in America                                             -Terriers
-Breaking Bad                                                            -30 Rock
-Welcome to the Family**

Ongoing series watched faithfully:
-Mad Men                                                                  -Parks and Recreation
-Community                                                              -Nashville
-Sleepy Hollow**                                                        -Brooklyn Nine-Nine**
-The Crazy Ones**                                                     -Dracula**
-The Goldbergs**                                                       -The Millers**
-Reign**                                                                     -Arrested Development

Series with a significant portion of episodes watched:
-Buffy the Vampire Slayer                                           -Friday Night Lights
-Don't Trust the B in Apt. 23                                       -The Carrie Diaries
-The IT Crowd                                                           -It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
-Futurama                                                                   -Saturday Night Live
-The Walking Dead                                                     -Felicity
-How I Met Your Mother                                            -Robot Chicken
-Full Metal Alchemist                                                   -Greg the Bunny
-The Following                                                            -Batman Beyond
-Fringe                                                                        -The Vicar of Dibley
-Gossip Girl                                                                -The Michael J. Fox Show
-Game of Thrones                                                       -Avatar: the Last Airbender

Series with one or two episodes watched:
-Ben and Kate                                                             -Hannibal
-Workaholics                                                               -MythQuest
-The Black Donnelly's                                                  -Orange is the New Black
-Freaks and Geeks                                                       -Boy Meets World
-The Simpsons

**signifies a show watched for Lightbox Heroes 

Ready, Set, BREAK

And just like that, as sure as the sun rises over the east and sets in the golden melted pools of western skies, I am done.  

One semester of grad school annihilated, two more to go.

Now on to one month of blessed rest.

Truth be told, I'm pretty proud of how this last semester passed.  Yes, moving here has been hard, and yes, I still had more annoying student habits than I wanted, but for the most part I was able to defeat the worst of my under-achieving demons.  True, my nasty procrastination habit is not completely gone. But I did kick it into submission about eighty percent of the time (the less said about that other twenty percent, the better).  Most importantly, I was able to finish finals with less stress and in a more timely fashion than ever before.  No last minute cramming for me this semester!  As an undergrad, I would usually frantically write my papers the morning they were due, finishing them with fifteen minutes to run to campus, print, and hand them in.  I am not lying when I say I was a lazy student.

So this is a pretty big deal.

This semester, every paper was finished at least by the night before class, and sometimes with a wider margin than that.  Let's check the timer and see how much time I granted myself, shall we?

Principles and Techniques of Journalism: 14.5 hours

Journalism Research: 18 hours

Arts Criticism: 29.5 hours

Media Law and Ethics: 66 hours

Might not seem like much, but to me that's solid progress.  Actual growth.  So eat that, all those people who stood up to violence or proved the Higgs boson particle or what have you.  I decreased my procrastination!  Victory is mine!

And now I can curl up and spend my break doing all those things I've wanted to do for weeks but have been delaying in favor of doing my work.  So over the next month, I'll be....

Reading these books:

Watching these TV shows:

And these movies:

And writing more on here (shameless plugging):

LIGHTBOX HEROES, a blog dedicated to reviewing new network TV shows.
Check us out at: lightboxheroes.weebly.com

I have a new project coming up.  Stay tuned.

And last but not least, doing LOTS of this:

Garfield is my spirit animal

Have a wonderful holiday season, dear world.  Enjoy the rest of this year.  I know I will.

Trying my Heart Out

Yesterday, the official School Spelling Bee was held in my classroom.  All three participants were there.

Clearly, it was thrilling.

Afterwards, I sat and watched the third place girl with the shiny eyes and the quivering lip. A nine year old at a school desk, body shaking with the pressure of holding back sobs.  Elementary life is awful.  To a child, life is black and white.  How can they understand losing not because they were bad, but just because someone else was better?  To them, it's only interpreted as one thing: ultimate failure.

One co-worker went up to her. Instead of sympathetic hugs and empty words of "you did great!," this teacher offered a firm handshake and some wise words:

If we don't try, then we don't know what we can do.

Never trying is as tempting option. No criticism.  No defeat.  No disappointment.

But there's the other side of the coin. No admiration.  No victory.  No success.

My own decision to try has led me here:

There might be tea in that harbor!*
*note: that is not "Boston Harbor."  There is no tea.  Don't be ridiculous. 

Behold.  As of this August, that dreamscape of history and culture will be my home.  And this lovely institution will be my new alma mater:

Boston University, baby!

It's exhilarating.  It's terrifying.  I'm gearing myself up for the greatest failures, criticisms, and embarrassments I've ever had.    But I'm also ready to work harder, be more passionate, and experience the fruition of my dreams more than I imagined possible.  It's all going to happen.

In preparing for the world of Boston, I've started making a Boston movie playlist, something I can chip away at over the summer months.  It's surprising how many Boston-set movies revolve around crime and despair.  Is there something in the water?  Does the Revolution-inspired air of freedom encourage people to flout societal laws?  I mean, I know that I'm planning on joining the Irish mob and causing some mayhem once I get there, but I didn't think that was the norm.  I just thought Boston was full of preppy Harvard types and tweed-clad intellectuals.

"Happy" Boston Movies

Fever Pitch

Legally Blonde

Ted

"Depressing, Gritty, often Crime-related" Boston Movies

The Departed

The Social Network

The Town

Boondock Saints

Gone Baby Gone

Mystic River

Shutter Island

Does my quest to watch Boston movies mean I'm relegating myself to a summer of drama?  Or are there quality offerings that make the city sparkle?  You know, other than things like 1776, because I seriously cannot handle any more Revolutionary War songs.  Leave our Founding Fathers and their vocal chords alone.