lost

Currently looking for: motivation.

Seriously. I don't have any right now. It's the midst of finals, and none of mine are especially difficult or stressful. All I have to do is quickly write a review, study some adolescent development (yeah, it's as not exciting as it sounds), and I'm free. But what do I care?

I can't bring myself to work on anything. All I want to do is listen to Jimmy Cliff* and the Raconteurs, sleep, make donuts, sleep some more, and read books that aren't required for class.

Oh. And burn my copy of Jane Austen's Persuasion. But I've complained enough about that.

On a completely unrelated note, has anyone checked out the list of Golden Globe nominees? Wow, this awards season looks horrible. And I thought last year was bad. Avatar? Are you joking me? Remind me to completely over-hype all my projects from now on. Apparently that's the recipe for success. "But Professor, you don't understand. This paper has the greatest usage of semi-colons you've ever seen! These semi-colons will BLOW YOUR MIND. Just wait! We are talking about some seriously almost realistic semi-colons here!"

I blame winter for all of this. Take that how you will.

*Shout out to The Professor at Wounded Mosquito for this one.

RIP Weezer

OK, it's time for me to weigh in on the new Weezer album. This is going to be tough, because I have something important to say.

I did not buy the new Weezer album.

It's just... I just... it was too soon after Red Album for me to really even think about Weezer, and then suddenly they have this new single out, and I couldn't ever listen to it all the way through, because it just made me sad that Weezer wasn't as awesome as they once were, and I know that makes me sound like one of those snobbish fans who think Pinkerton is the only good album, but you know what? People say that for a reason. Pinkerton and the Blue Album are legendary. There is not a bad track on them. And I'm not a purist. I'll listen to stuff from the others. I love songs from the others (especially "Keep Fishin'", "Burndt Jamb", and yes, "Hash Pipe").

But this album is different. It doesn't have the incredible Weezer aura surrounding it. It's too soon. It's too hip... or not hip enough. It's just trying so hard. And I can't get behind that.

Today, I was putting off writing a paper and decided to give Raditude a second look. As I gazed through song titles, I saw one I recognized. "Can't Stop Partying" was one of the best demos on Rivers Alone II, with this heart-breaking desperation that reminded me of why I love Rivers Cuomo. So I decided to give the official album version a try. And it destroyed my spirit. It jumped on my heart with German hiking cleats. How could they take a song that was so perfect in it's faults, notable because it was those typical rap lyrics but with a film of melancholy, and make it into such RUBBISH. A rap interlude by Lil Wayne? What is this?

I am not completely abandoning Weezer. They are part of my soul. I will always listen to them, and I will always love them. But as far as new material comes, I have left the building. No longer will I hope for a perfect return to form, no longer will I overlook the missteps on albums.

Our affair is everlasting Weerez, but now it's history, a past I will always look back on with fondness.

Vampire Week-ed Out

Whew. That was quite a Halloween season, wasn't it?

Let's just all nod our heads in agreement here. Deal? Deal.

Anyways, I can firmly say that I had one of the most SPOOK-TACULAR Octobers ever. I enjoyed pumpkin flavored oddities, fall foliage, and a wide array of scary movies. Oh, the scary movies.

That last week of October was spent glorifying in so many Vampire Movies (or Vampyre, whatever your leanings are) that I am thoroughly vampired out. Sucked dry, if you will. Yes, I went there. I was so busy observing bloodsucking fiends that I didn't have time to watch 28 Days Later, and if you've seen that movie you know what a travesty that is. It's a true one. A true travesty. Why can't the undead get along? Necks, brains, it's all part of the same human prey. Amiright?

Here's a quick rundown of all the movies I've seen in the past week. I think. It's all a blur... where am I?

*Nosferatu, a Symphony of Horror, 1922
Silent, classic, golden, with an incredibly creepy ratface that moves slowly and makes shadows menacing. What's not to love? Unless the silent aesthetic gets to you. You uncultured philistine. All I'm saying.

*The Vampyr, 1932
Another one that's not silent, but definitely has the same feel. German, expressionistic, and containing some freakishly cool images in the form of child shadows that move on their own and an out-of-body experience that's chilling. The only downside: it's a little over my head. As in, I had to Wikipedia it after to see what the plot was.

*Let the Right One In, 2008
I think this was the best one I saw. Maybe because it wasn't the typical Dracula plot, but also because it was amazing. It did things with vampires I'd never even thought of. A Swedish film that features lonely 12 year olds and focuses on the difficulty of making and forming relationships, with some gory mayhem thrown in. I jumped, I cringed, I laughed, I covered my eyes, I sat there stunned, and I decided to never ever go to Sweden. Ever.

*Shadow of the Vampire, 2000
Very very interesting. It goes behind the filming of the orginal Nosferatu, but with the theory that Max Schreck is a real vampire that Murnau hired in exchange for sacrificing the lead actress. The cast is stellar, and the parts where they recreate scenes from the original are fascinating. I just couldn't get behind this as much as I wanted. A solid meh. If that.

*Dracula, 2006
A random DVD from my roommate, featuring a Dracula musical in French with no subtitles. So needless to say, I didn't understand any of it. BUT. I knew the story. And the set was crazy cool. And the music was actually decent, with more rock opera than your typical musical score.


*Nosferatu the Vampyr, 1979
Remake of the original that keeps the same feel, buts actually adds more and enhances it. The plague scenes are a definite win, Klaus Kinski may or may not be haunting my nightmares (and walking suddenly into frame), and Werner Herzog shoots the best nature scenes of all time. OF ALL TIME.

You have consumed me, body and soul.... with HATRED

I think it's about time for me to step out of the literary closet, so to speak.

For me to reveal something my close friends and family know, but it's gotten so out of control that I want to open up to the entire world.

I am about to say something that will cause some of you to judge me, some to hate me, and some to call me a heathen sinner and never speak to me again. This is worth it, just to relieve myself of the burden I've been carrying for years. I need to come clean. It's time.

I hate Jane Austen.


That's right. All you girls, you better click off now. Run away to some happy blog that quotes Pride and Prejudice every five sentences and compares every male to Mr. Darcy. I don't care. I don't need your desperate pleas defending her writing, describing how she makes you believe in love (to which I say, PSHAW), how she stands as an inspiration for women authors everywhere. I don't want to hear it.

I hate her. This is a deep, lasting, forever kind of hatred. There is no grudge here. It's a vendetta, a lifelong disdain for her works and her self.

Right now, I am at the point where if I could go back in time and kill one person from history, Hitler, Judas, and Nero can rest easy. Live on to be horrible another day. Believe me, if I was killing two persons from history, I'd keep one eye open, but for now you all are safe. Because I would target Austen and her snobbish, restricted class fluff pieces.

I don't care if Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy ever get together. They'd probably both grow a lot more as people if they didn't. And I don't care about Emma and her match-making. She should have stopped being silly and realized what was there the whole time. It's her own fault. And don't even get me started on Anne Elliott and Captain Wentworth. Newflash: you are both idiots who allow society to pressure you, and, quite frankly, only have yourselves to blame for years of unhappiness. If either of you had an ounce of confidence and assurity, this novel would never have happened. And I would be a lot happier. It would have led to the salvation of many souls, as girls realized that sort of behavior is not acceptable in real life, and that's why they are still alone, eating chocolate and watching BBC movies in their dorm room. Get out and actually interact with real people, instead of swooning over men in high-waisted pants and frilly shirts. No one pulls those off anymore. There is a reason that is not the fashion. If you saw a guy with a cravat, you would run away from him, not towards him. Rant rant. Rave rave. And etc.

And I refuse to believe that any merit to be found in her books cannot be found in spades in other tomes. Ever heard of the Bronte sisters? Woman empowerment that is actually empowering. And has depth. I know. Gasp. But look at Wuthering Heights. It tackles racial issues, class structures, whether man is inherantly evil or just a product of environment, AND it includes a very funny bit with a dog! What more do you want? Romance? There are lovers that are driven literally mad for each other. Or is that type of devotion too much for you? Because it is so much more realistic than anything in your silly little Austen books. But go on. Carry on with your "he's rich and prideful and I want nothing to do with him so we will fall madly in love". Good luck with that. Call me when that tactic works.

Come on girls. How many of you really just like Jane Austen because you are expected to? I mean, seriously. Colin Firth is not really attractive. Not even as Mr. Darcy. It's kind of horrible acting, to be honest.

I guess the real point of this is, does anyone want to write my multiple papers on Persuasion? Because it's causing serious harm to my sanity.

So It Begins...

I was going to write about having my first teaching nightmare. But because I am becoming a teacher, I have no time. Obviously.

Ugh. Welcome to my life.

Still, I will share two things that are making me really happy.

This:

Two Weeks - Grizzly Bear from Gabe Askew on Vimeo.

And this. (Extra Credit: this).

Chirp

Tonight was one of those ideal summer nights.

The kind of night where you sit on the front porch, relishing the warm air and the darkness surrounding you and the rising sound of crickets.

I love the crickets.

And you sit there and realize that you are experiencing perfect happiness. Until you notice that the widow across the street is totally spying on you through her blinds. But even that can't bring you down, so you just smile and laugh at the fact that your neighbors watch your every move, and soon you're going back to school so they'll have to find a new subject.

As far as days go, today was pretty swell. I love it when things turn out better than you expect.

So here's to new apartments, Batman, a chef named Joe Hicks that makes BLTs with "mother loving", my apparent inner Jew, smirking, the ever-delicious hot dog, Miniature Tigers, Pavarotti, and blackberries.

Now all I need is a snow cone, and I'll call Summer '09 a roaring success.

L'il Nothing

Last night, I made cupcakes whilst listening to Jimi Hendrix.

It's moments like those that make me realize I'd make the most kick-A mother ever.

Also: less than 24 hours until it's just me and Sam Beam's beard.