War Games

If there is one thing I detest in this world, it's Mustache March. Yes. Really. I truly do.

Don't get me wrong, I am a huge fan of facial hair on the opposite sex. If there's one sure way to make me swoon, it's having a beard. I love them. I think they are the epitome of manliness and awesomeness and happiness.

List of cool people who have beards:
-Sam Beam (of Iron & Wine)
-Sean Connery
-Cary Brothers
-Indiana Jones
-Clint Eastwood
-Ray LaMontagne
-Jack Black
-Bonnie "Prince" Billy (bonus points for ginger beard!)
-Bill Murray
-Zach Galifianakis
-Gerard Butler in 300
-All of my brothers
-All of the Beatles (at some point or another. I think Paul's was the best)
-Various others

Basically, I love, nay, I respect a good beard.

What don't I respect? Mustaches. They are the red-headed stepchild of facial hair. They're that annoying cousin that no one likes but can't seem to get rid of. It's like a caterpillar died on someone's upper lip, and not the cute cuddly kind of caterpillar. No, the evil poisonous kind that lives in South America and eats babies for lunch. That's what a mustache is. A pure, baby-killing fiend.

Note: There are two exceptions to the evil mustache rule. 1) The incomparable Tom Selleck, and 2) Robert Redford as the Sundance Kid. Because he just plain rocks that.


But overall, mustaches are super, SUPER creepy. Which is why they should not be tolerated. Which is why I was livid when my boyfriend got suckered into participating in Mustache March last night, and showed up today with that thing on his upper lip. I hate it when people have integrity, and won't back out of a promise they've made. Not really, integrity is great and all, but I dislike when it works against my favor.

The past 24 hours have been spent in an epic battle for the downfall of the mustache, and I am proud to say that I emerged the victor. True, it came at the cost of said boyfriend's awesome beard, but it was a sacrifice I had to make. Besides, the beard had already been sacrificed to the evils deities of Mustache March. And you know, sometimes in life you just have to make the tough calls. I'm proud to say that I made them (sort of). I would probably be a great general, if it wasn't for the fact that I have zero strategic ability.

I guess that's one job option I'll put on the back burner for now.